If you鈥檙e a male you鈥檝e been told at least once in our life to 鈥渢oughen up鈥� or 鈥渄on鈥檛 cry.鈥�
To help break the stereotype that men shouldn鈥檛 show their emotions, Community Outreach Services has invited Lance Drozda, founder of i.am.heart, to host a public presentation about building emotional empowerment in boys on May 17.
鈥淭he work that we do around boys is to try and break the stigma that sensitive or vulnerable emotions are some how gender specific, which they鈥檙e not, they鈥檙e human-specific,鈥� said Drozda.
He said for boys there鈥檚 a stigma around emotions such as sadness, empathy, compassion or kindness, because they are often perceived by society as feminine qualities.
To address that stereotype, Dorzda will explain the stigma that encourages boys to suppress their authentic feelings and provide parents with tools to support boys in recognizing, accepting and expressing their emotions.
He said the root causes of the stereotype are complex, but said part of the problem lies in the notion that men are typically seen as the provider for the family while women are typically seen as the caregiver, reinforcing a stereotype that men have less compassion and empathy than women.
He said this stereotype has been reinforced for generations through media, video games and men themselves.
For example, he said boys at a young age have the same need for physical connection as girls, but because of social pressure have come up with what鈥檚 known as the 鈥渂ro-hug.鈥�
鈥淭hey鈥檒l hug their classmates, but not too close,鈥� said Drozda 鈥淓ven at a young age you can see evidence that they are trying to align the human need for connection and physical touch to what鈥檚 acceptable and what鈥檚 not acceptable from society鈥檚 point of view.鈥�
By limiting boys鈥� ability to express their emotions, it inhibits their ability to understand the world around them.
鈥淭he whole thing about emotions is that it gives us information about our environment and our place in it and without using emotions or not being able to fully experience or express them we are kind of turning our back on all of the information the world is giving us,鈥� said Drozda.
鈥淲e need that information in order to continue to have happier and healthier lives and to actually connection with other humans.鈥�
To teach boys how to express themselves, he said the very first thing he tells people is that there is no such thing as bad emotions.
鈥淲e鈥檝e taught kids that there are good emotions and bad emotions. There are no good or bad emotions, they鈥檙e all good,鈥� said Drozda.
He said it鈥檚 also important to help children create a language so they can properly express themselves.
鈥淎s individuals we know how we feel and in fact we鈥檙e probably the only ones who know how we truly feel. The problem with kids, but specifically with boys is not that they don鈥檛 know how they feel, the problem is that they don鈥檛 have a lexicon or a taxonomy of words to describe it accurately so other people can understand,鈥� said Drozda.
鈥淚t鈥檚 not about having boys feel more, it鈥檚 about giving them the tools to allow them to first understand that expressing emotions is difficult and second of all to help them with the language or terminology for them to understand how they鈥檙e feeling and lead that to expression.鈥�
He said part of equipping children with the right tools is also understanding that there is a difference between behaviour and emotions.
鈥淭he reason why we separate emotions and behaviour is because all emotions are acceptable and all behaviour isn鈥檛. When we allow kids to fully experience their emotion then we can start to institute corrective behaviour.鈥�
He said when you confuse the two, or treat them as one thing, children try to contain their emotions.
鈥淲hat I want to get across to kids is that emotions and how we experience emotions is really what makes us unique,鈥� said Drozda.
As for parents he said his underlying message is that emotions are natural.
鈥淎s we support kids in the process to feel and express their emotions we create muscle memory in their ability to be more resilient and in that they become more empowered.鈥�
The free workshop will be held on May 17 at the Royal Canadian Legion from 6:30 to 8 p.m. Drozda will also be holding a workshop earlier in the day for students from Grade 5 to 7 as well as staff.
For more information contact Carla Gallop at [email protected].
Paul Clarke
[email protected]
