It was a Wednesday last February.
When I woke up, it seemed like any normal morning鈥攖hen I looked at my phone and discovered several missed calls from my family.
This was definitely not going to be a normal day.
There was a voicemail from my sister in Halifax. The tone of her voice sent chills through my body. I have never heard her sound so worried and stressed. Something was wrong.
In short, she asked me to call her back as soon as possible.
When I reached her, it was difficult to hear news: our brother was missing and had been unaccounted for since the previous day. The RCMP was involved and had started an investigation.
We thought of every explanation鈥攑erhaps he had to travel somewhere for work, or his phone had died. Surely there was some logical explanation to where he could be and everything would be fine.
Next I called my dad, also in Nova Scotia, and my sister in British Columbia. I tried to keep things positive and comforting, without jumping to worst case scenarios.
The next morning I found out my brother would soon be declared a missing person鈥攕earch and rescue, along with K9 units, were out looking for him.
There was some evidence that my brother wanted to be found. I knew enough about mental health to understand that this might mean he was suicidal. Although I tried to remain optimistic that he would be located safe and sound, it was difficult not to face the cold reality that this likely wouldn鈥檛 have a positive ending.
My brother was found on Friday morning, but we were too late.
I grew up in rural Nova Scotia, my parents were born and raised in my hometown, my grandparents lived there, and our community was a big part of our upbringing. As the oldest of four, my brother was always looking out for me and my sisters. We were always outside being active and my brother always found a way to add an extreme element to everything we did. He made things more terrifying and more fun.
Throughout his career, he was known for his hard work and natural ability to lead a team. He got married and raised three beautiful children, they鈥檙e now 11, nine and five years old. He was able to be the stay-at-home dad when they were all born and that put the biggest smile on his face. When they were apart, he constantly spoke of his kids and made plans for their next outdoor adventures.
While my brother had so many positives in his life鈥攁nd lived what many would view as a fairly normal life鈥攈e also had his demons. Before he was married, he battled an addiction to alcohol and in recent years he suffered a relapse and more recently he relapsed again in January.
He and his wife suffered the loss of their first born child, the twin to their eldest, and, at the time of his death, he was also in the final stages of a divorce.
What he was able to hide from many, including myself, was a very deep, dark battle with depression. My conversations with him were always positive鈥攚ork was good, the kids were amazing and he was feeling positive about the outcome of his divorce.
I was home for Christmas and left feeling like he was focused and that the next few months were going to bring him positive outcomes.
It has come as a complete shock to everyone around him that he felt so alone and that he was suffering with so much pain that the only way he could find comfort and peace was to end his own life.
Since his death, I鈥檝e felt a sadness I never knew I could experience. I keep asking myself if this is reality or some sick nightmare that I can鈥檛 wake up from.
Compounding my stress was the fact that six months earlier I had quit my secure job of 10 years to pursue a new business venture, so while I was processing the trauma of losing my brother, I was also living with the added stress of a financial burden.
Aware of my circumstances, a friend recommended I reach out to Community Outreach Services (COS). I agreed to an appointment with Ian, my outreach worker. I was happy to take advantage of his services as I knew I definitely couldn鈥檛 do this alone.
I didn鈥檛 have any expectations for that first conversation, but I left feeling a little bit better. Months later, I鈥檓 now able to recognize how much this helped me keep things together鈥擨an let me vent, talk and shed a few tears and he offered me assistance to make other appointments and arrangements.
This help, along with visits and the kind support of many friends and community members, was a huge support.
Through COS, I also learned about the Caring Community Fund that is funded by many gracious donors. Set up by the Jasper Community Team, this fund exists as a tool for outreach workers to help members of this community with emergency financial assistance, so residents can overcome small but significant barriers to their wellness.
I appreciate that COS understood the significant barriers I faced鈥攖he infancy of a new business startup, the recent loss of my mother to a long battle with Alzheimer鈥檚, followed by the sudden loss of my brother in February. These circumstances created a stressful financial burden (thousands of dollars for both trips with flights, travel costs and incidentals).
I had kept funds reserved for such a trip, but was certainly not budgeting for two trips in such a close period of time. Having some assistance to help with the trip removed the weight of the world, so I could focus on grieving and being with my family.
In light of Mental Health Awareness Week, I am happy to bring forward a real 鈥渢hat could never happen to me鈥� experience to highlight how mental illness affects individuals as well as those close to them. Mental illness comes in many forms and needs recognition; by talking about it, I hope I can assist others by showing them that help is available and people care.
Jasper is known as a world class tourist destination, but it is also a caring community with high-caliber services to ensure there is assistance available for residents when they need it most.
I hope community members will take a moment this week to educate themselves about the Municipality of Jasper鈥檚 Community and Family Services department, the success of the Jasper Community Team and its flagship program Community Outreach Services, as well as the Caring Community Fund.
Jordan Tucker
Special to the 51暗网
